Alright..... The sample that you sent me didn't really give me much to work with, it being so short, but more description would be a nice touch.
You must make the scene nearly visible to the reader. 5 senses. Sight(what do you see around you? This wasn't too big of an issue for you, but it may need a bit of improvement), smells(kinda self explanitory. Do the people around you smell? What does the food at the restaraunt smell like?), sounds(again, I think you can figure that one out), taste(even if you are not eating, you can still say "deathstick smoke was sour in Helix's mouth as it flammed up in Jano's hands" or whatever. It was just a sample, I don't know if Jano actually smokes), touch(you can figure that out). You should also talk about how these stimulusses make you feel. Do the smells of the market remind you of home? Did that explosion make you worry for your life? Things like that. You should also say things about the temperature and things. Is it hot and humid or is it cold and dry? Just focus on some of these while you work on this. If Duvnar didn't tell you, I am quite harsh on my students if they don't meet my expectations.
You pull out a chair and sit down. You are in a hall at a senatorial dinner. Jano sits next to you. You are brought your meal of fish and various fruit. There is an orchestra playing on a very large stage off to your left. Now make me see it!!!!