Alright, the first thing we NEED to discuss is SLOWING DOWN. PLEASE SLOW DOWN. When you are writing 90 to nothing, you naver put any description into your work. You need to describe every single event in detail. You also need to describe your character's personal feelings and thoughts. You need to describe the scene in detail. Your reader has to be able to basically be put into your character's shoes. We, the reader, have to be able to see everything, but when you are going as fast as you do, we haven't a clue what is going on. You just say
"She does a song and dance and then every one claps.".
WRONG WRONG WRONG. It should be something more like:
"She was shaking her hips and spinning around - her short pink hair flailing as she does. Her little lungs were burning as they belted out the lyrics in the best tone that she could muster.
'(Whatever the crazy song lyrics are),' Sings Julro. "(More weird Scandanavian crap)" Her voice drops off, and she relaxes as the burning lights fade. The thunder of applause rings through the theatre, making popping echoes from the walls draped with immitation Dantooine silk. As the violet curtains sached their way across down-stage and blocked her from view, Julro fell to her knees with exhaustion. She whispered quietly to herself,
'I did it.'"
Just a little sample of what it SHOULD be like. Of course, this being a basics class, I don't expect THAT much out of you.
Here is your homework:
You have just landed your __________(whatever you want to be flying) on a planet. You step off and find yourself in the middle of a flea-market. You know that you have buisiness to attend to, but you just can't resist taking a look at some of the wares.
Now in this little post, I will be looking for description of events and a basic description of all five senses and your character's thoughts and feelings.
Go.(shortest complete sentance in the English language)