Duvnar Magnum Training by Caredetru Tykuper

Alright Duvnar, here we go. Scince you have the basics down, we'll just jump straight into it.

Important note: none of these will continue from the last one.

Class 1) Description. You land on a small trading outpost on an outer rim planet. There are smells from the market nearby wafting in all around you. Now ELABORATE! Make sure that you go into detail about everything, the smells, the sights, the noises, the people, how it makes you feel, so on, so on, so on.

(OOC: That extreme would fall under Advanced but I see where your going)

Duvnar had just landed his new Second Hand X-Wing on an Outpost that was on an outer rim planet, it's name was unknown. Their was people covering their noses and vomiting from some odd smell, but it was one Duvnar actually liked, to him it smelt like a wonderous night at the Narshadda Bars. The other's felt dizzy, they turned pale and all felt disgusting, Duvnar checked to see what exactly was the smell so he start to head to the market while avoiding the others in the hall covering the place in vomit and such. When he got their he noticed a Hutt and 4 Gamoreons on a stage, in front of them were four strpping dancers. 1 A Blue Tweklek and the other three human, their were all 14 to 16 years old. The smell happend to be the Hutt and his rather smelly food. As Duvnar watched he noticed the hutt shut his eyes and sleep as the dancers continued dancing. Duvnar could still hear music from the dancing and the vomiting in the back ground but also the dancers groaning, after a better look he noticed the four had slave collars constantly shocking them. Duvnar knew something had to be done. He threw a detonator at the sleeping hutt. the Gamoreons saw it and tried to dodge but were to slow and the 5 died. The slave's watched in shocked and duvnar shot off the collars. When the slave's turned around to see who freed them Duvnar was on his way to his ship to get off this rotten planet.

No, Duvnar, BAD BAD BAD BAD *whacks Duvnar over the head several times with yardstick*.

This was supposed to be an exercise in DESCRIPTION. You need to use senses and not actions.
Also, you do everything WAY too fast. As my 79 year old 5th grade english teacher once told me:
"15 minutes should take up 3 pages! Now get your lazy punk-ass in gear and WRITE!!!!!" Then she smacked me so hard I had to go to the nurse.
Also, we will be discussing un-moderated NPC combat in later lessons.
You need to try again and this time do nothing but describe sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. I really mean DO NOT walk around or anything. Just the senses.
NOW GET YOUR PUNK-ASS IN GEAR AND WRITE!!!!!

Duvnar's ship had just landed on an unknown Planet in the outer rim. The smell was extremely bad to most and was making the people around him sick and vomit. He rather enjoyed the smell though, reminded him from home but he didn't not appreciate the noises he heard, people rushing around the Hangar making loud clanking and stepping noises and the unplesment noise of vomit leaving one's mouth. Duvnar could see it to but looked away but it the smell was so strong their was vomit everywhere... He than turned on the com-link and watched who he was contacting, as the screen turned on a Neo-Crusader Mando appeared and replied "Hello Duvnar Sir, What shall it be?" "Are you sure I'm in the right place? I See vomit everywhere" "Ya your in the right spot, you need to find what the smell is" "Great...."

No, not really.... Remember that you must go into more detail, and similies and metaphores would really help. You need to talk about things like the temperature: Is it hot or cold?; the weather: Is it cloudy? Is it humid? Is it dry? Just keep these in mind for they will help the reader visualize the whole scene. Please try again.

We'll skip this for now. We need to talk about unmoderated NPC combat. You obviously don't get it do you? You have to consider yourself as an equal to the NPC. You have to consider their actions. They have the ability to react just as you do.

WRONG
Duvnar killed all three of them and then threw the other two through a window.
RIGHT
Duvnar swung his Vibroblade in an arcing motion on the oposing stormtrooper. The imperial threw up his gun to protect himself, but it was smashed out of his hands by the sword. Duvnar, with his slash thwarted, thrusted the vibrating blade up through the diaphragm of the defenceless stormtrooper.

Now that was only a sample, theoretical situation. You don't have to use that much description(although you really should, as we have discussed).

Now here is your homework:

You are in a humid, smokey bar. You are enjoying a bit of... entertainment by some Twilek dancers, when you are grabbed from behind. You are twisted around only to be grabbed by the throat by a massive human like man.
"We don't like your kind around here" he says, his foul breath blowing into your face. the men behind him are yelling things like "You get him Jeff" and "Kill that damn pervert!" and the such.

Alla Stoccata, Duvnar, your Passado!

(OOC: I assume this isn't in script form)

Duvnar was enjoying watching the dancers. The smell of the drinks stank worse than the humid smoke and sludge on Narshadda, not even he liked it. The drink's weren't the refreashing cold he was used to. They were hot and sweaty, it burned on his glove and only made the drink taste worse. He turned around to notice the Drink maching was boiling, shaking and steaming, no wonder the drinks was awful, the guy who opened this place must only have like 2 Credits or something. He turned back around to watch the Dancers when he felt something like a hand grip the back of his neck, it began crushing on his muscles, it was firm and male. A Tough customer. He was spun around to see a big human male about 8 feet tall, a nassive build and smelt worse than Bantha poodoo. "We don't like your kind around here" Duvnar could hear others in the background like "You get him Jeff" and "Kill that damn pervert!". Duvnar was in some trouble. He spoke with what little air was in his lungs. "Don't mess with me... You son of a bitch" the man slammed him into the counter and broke of Duvnars ribs and yelled "That's it! Your gona die!" Duvnar had a Thermal Detonator in his hand before he got slammed and once he was slammed into the counter he stuck it onto the counter. One man from the distance yelled "Bomb!" but the human male didn't hear it, he was to focused and crushing the life out of Duvnar. Then a light smoke flew inbetween the two, it was burning hot and the Detonator was starting to burn a hole into the counter. The human smelt the air and said with curiousity "What's that smell?" all the sudden the bomb exploded, it traveled a fair bit destroy the drink stand, killing the bartender, a few unlucky partons and the Man. Duvnar was coverd in debris wounded and unconcious but alive, In about an hour Medical services arrived and never noticed him under the debris but was duvnar woke up he heard someone say "The Gand ain't here but who care's about some bug anyways" when he stopped hearing the soft footsteps from the medical shoes he shoved his way out of the debris putting pressure on his wound he knew he needed help but not in a public hospital, luckily everyone ditched the bar already so no one saw him.

Sure, we can just go with that. But again, please SLOW DOWN. You move WAY to fast and it is a bit hard to follow. Also, it is OK to leave people ALIVE occasionaly. Also, if you did something as crazy as that you would be in a galactic prison holding on to that soap for dear life for at least 500 years. Be REASONABLE.

Same exact situation. Except this time loose the fight.

Duvnar was enjoying watching the dancers. The smell of the drinks stank worse than the humid smoke and sludge on Narshadda, not even he liked it. The drink's weren't the refreashing cold he was used to. They were hot and sweaty, it burned on his glove and only made the drink taste worse. He turned around to notice the Drink maching was boiling, shaking and steaming, no wonder the drinks was awful, the guy who opened this place must only have like 2 Credits or something. He turned back around to watch the Dancers when he felt something like a hand grip the back of his neck, it began crushing on his muscles, it was firm and male. A Tough customer. He was spun around to see a big human male about 8 feet tall, a nassive build and smelt worse than Bantha poodoo. "We don't like your kind around here" Duvnar could hear others in the background like "You get him Jeff" and "Kill that damn pervert!". Duvnar was in some trouble. He spoke with what little air was in his lungs. "Don't mess with me... You son of a bitch" the man slammed him into the counter and broke of Duvnars ribs and yelled "That's it! Your gona die!" Duvnar was well aware that security was tight here and if anyone killed another they would be locked up in seconds. Duvnar pulled out his hidden switch blade and stabbed him in the hand that was choking him. The Man yelled in path and let Duvnar go. Duvnar rolled on the floor and and stabbed him in the back of the leg, the man fell over in pain and security arrived to arrest the man. They decided to let Duvnar go since they believed he was only defending himself. With a smirk on his face Duvnar took his ship and took off.

LOOSE THE FIGHT! That means that HE wins and kicks YOUR ass.

I know I'm not teaching but I believe I could give Duvnar little tips and info that could further his RPing skills.

First off, we all play our own little part in the rpg's. You say of course we do because it's a ROLE playing game. I'm talking about a certain character trait. For instance, I describe myself as a young damsal in distress. You could be described as....about that....you need to try to find your place.

Secondly, Cared is right. You always have to win the fight. You kick their butt and make them look like fools. This makes you look like a fool as an RPer. There are other options beside kill or injure. Try to get stunned by them . Maybe get a limb broken. LOSE THE FIGHT is an option that makes some situations more fun.

was enjoying watching the dancers. The smell of the drinks stank worse than the humid smoke and sludge on Narshadda, not even he liked it. The drink's weren't the refreashing cold he was used to. They were hot and sweaty, it burned on his glove and only made the drink taste worse. He turned around to notice the Drink maching was boiling, shaking and steaming, no wonder the drinks was awful, the guy who opened this place must only have like 2 Credits or something. He turned back around to watch the Dancers when he felt something like a hand grip the back of his neck, it began crushing on his muscles, it was firm and male. A Tough customer. He was spun around to see a big human male about 8 feet tall, a nassive build and smelt worse than Bantha poodoo. "We don't like your kind around here" Duvnar could hear others in the background like "You get him Jeff" and "Kill that damn pervert!". Duvnar was in some trouble. He spoke with what little air was in his lungs. "Don't mess with me... You son of a bitch" the man slammed him into the counter and broke of Duvnars ribs and yelled "That's it! Your gona die!". Duvnar pulled out his switchblade and stabbed the males shoulder with it. But it wasn't enough. After a quick scream in pain he gripped Duvnars neck tighter and tossed him into a wall. He jolted over and started pounding on his face. Duvnar was getting hurt quickly and to injured to do anything. He fell unconcious.

That was fine. Now we need to talk about something. You ALWAYS take other people's rpg's wherever the hell you want, and do what ever you want in them. That is BAD!!!!!!!! You need to follow the other person's story. Just post what your character and NPCs were doing in that span of time, nothing that will actually affect the story in a very large way.

Also, Jacky is really correct. I guess he is the damsell in destress, except he is suposedly a guy. Me, I would be the voice of reason, well, you know what I mean. Tressa is the semi-psycotic one who can be sweet sometimes and then fly off the handle. You, well you need to think about that.

Ok...

So what do I do next?